Several years ago, my contract with AT&T came to a welcomed end. The very day I was out of my contract, I unlocked my phone, went to a nearby dealer and signed up for Simple Mobile. They were new, but they were promising. I used them for a while and saw some good, some bad, but mostly good. I took the time to review my experience with them as a customer. Unfortunately, my unlocked phone died, and being between jobs, I needed to sign up with one of the big carriers to subsidize a new phone. Well, I found myself as part of the working class again and was ready to upgrade my phone. I snagged a Nexus 4 (which if it were a woman, I’d want to fuck its brains out) and was ready for a new carrier once again (being that phone is unlocked). I made my triumphant return to Simple Mobile. Things seemed to be doing quite well, until month number two, when I received an ominous text message one day.

I beg your pardon? So I call this number, it’s a recording that simple explains that I received that message because I must have violated the terms of use of the phone. Completely dissatisfied with this, I called customer service. I spoke to a belligerent idiot that tried to explain to me how streaming works and how I possible streamed something and used too much data. He wasn’t able to provide me with any solid explanation why I received this message. Well, after asking for a better explanation, rather than guesses, he told me he’d transfer me to the department that could better assist me. He transferred me back to the recorded message.

This wouldn’t be that bad, but suddenly, my phone became almost unusable. I decided to run a speed test:

Are you kidding me!? I called back customer service, spoke to another person that couldn’t really help me and after making stupid guesses, transferred me to (can you guess where?) the recorded message.

I called right back, finally got someone. This person was very argumentative. They tried to tell me that, “perhaps you didn’t log out of the websites you’re visiting fully and you’re using data that way.” I asked if there is a set data limit that I should be aware of. There is not, so she claimed. She suggested that I was using my phone as a wifi hot spot, I was not. I told her I was on wifi when I received the message. She said that I might have confused wifi for wifi hot spot. Then she told me that they’re unable to tell me what exactly caused this data throttling to happen. I told her I wanted it to be reversed then. She asked me, “why would your bandwidth be throttled then if you didn’t violate the terms of use?” I said, “that’s why I’m calling you!” She told me I should simple disregard the message if I didn’t do anything wrong. I said I would love to, but there was one problem with that: the slow internet speed. She asked me what I was doing when I received the text message. I told her I wasn’t using my phone, I was at work and it was sitting idly on the desktop. She asked how I could be sure the phone wasn’t being used if I wasn’t using it (flawless logic). After giving me inane arguments for a little longer, she said she could transfer me to a department that could better assist me. I told her if it’s the recorded message about the terms of use again, I already have heard it and I don’t need to hear it again. Of course… it was that line. I decided to give up for the day.

Simple Mobile, you have become just like all the other phone companies – total assholes. I am very unhappy. By the way, I did review the terms of use. For anyone reading this and interested, here it is:

15. Misuse of Service or Device. You agree not to misuse the Service or Device, including but not limited to: (a) reselling or rebilling our Service; (b) using the Service or Device to engage in unlawful activity, or in conduct that adversely affects our customers, employees, business, or any other person(s), or that interferes with our operations, network, reputation, or ability to provide quality service, including but not limited to the generation or dissemination of viruses, malware or “denial of service” attacks; (c) using the Service as a substitute or backup for private lines or dedicated data connections; (d) tampering with or modifying your Simple Mobile Device; (e) “spamming” or engaging in other abusive or unsolicited communications, or any other mass, automated voice or data communication for commercial or marketing purposes; (f) reselling Simple Mobile Devices for profit, or tampering with, reprogramming or altering Simple Mobile Devices for the purpose of reselling the Simple Mobile Device; (g) using the Service in connection with server devices or host computer applications, including continuous Web camera posts or broadcasts, automatic data feeds, automated machine-to-machine connections or peer-to-peer (P2P) file-sharing applications that are broadcast to multiple servers or recipients, “bots” or similar routines that could disrupt net user groups or email use by others or other applications that denigrate network capacity or functionality; (h) accessing, or attempting to access without authority, the information, accounts or devices of others, or to penetrate, or attempt to penetrate, Simple Mobile’s or another entity’s network or systems; (i) running software or other devices that maintain continuously active Internet connections when a computer’s connection would otherwise be idle, or “keep alive” functions (e.g. using a Data Plan for Web broadcasting, operating servers, telemetry devices and/or supervisory control and data acquisition devices); or (j) assisting or facilitating anyone else in any of the above activities. Unless authorized by Simple Mobile, you agree that you won’t install, deploy, or use any regeneration equipment or similar mechanism (for example, a repeater) to originate, amplify, enhance, retransmit or regenerate a transmitted RF signal. You agree that a violation of this section harms Simple Mobile, which cannot be fully redressed by money damages, and that Simple Mobile shall be entitled to immediate injunctive relief in addition to all other remedies available.

In short, the language of which this is written is so ambiguous, that it could apply to any use of the phone. A company that advertises “unlimited” data, but any regular and conventional use of the phone can result in penalizing you as a customer. As for as I’m concerned, they haven’t lived up to a week of service and I should be owed money back. Worth noting: as of this posting, my data use for this billing cycle is 2318 MB.

Update: here’s a little convo with “Christopher” that I had – call_to_simple_mobile Maybe I was being a dick, but I was in a really bad mood after dealing with their unhelpful bullshit over and over again. Sorry for the audio quality.